i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize