I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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