Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
