Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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