i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
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No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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