In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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