How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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