my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bring money and cleavage
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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