I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
