my room smells like sperm. sweet.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
