You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
