you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I could fuck to npr.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
