u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL