I want to have your abortion
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
