If i come over, it means nothing
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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