My Higher Power is John Stamos
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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