Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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