IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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