Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
