Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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