so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
