I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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