I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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