So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
