The maid of honor just puked.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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