so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
