I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
