I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize
