i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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