its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
