my vag is so smooth its legendary
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
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