I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
