she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
