Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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