OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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