If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
