he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
