i wish there were pregnant emoticons
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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