So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
