the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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