You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
