So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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