Sponge bath it is.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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