As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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