I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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