Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
