Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
