Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
