mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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