Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
