My hand turned me down
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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