she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
