Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
