I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
