Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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