you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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