How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
