Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
