Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
