dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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