is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
