The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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