Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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