she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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