It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
