Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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