I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
