Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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