I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
