so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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