first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
