we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
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