Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
