Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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