and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
